Or, other medicines made you more prone to mood swings, to become more irritable. Or that you would be very drowsy after taking your dosage. I remember clearly during college, I was berated severely for being sleepy during class --- my friend stood up to the teacher afterward and told her there was no reason for that tirade, which was quite humiliating - since my medication caused the drowsiness. I was really grateful for how protective he was ---- but I also felt deep inside that I couldn't make epilepsy an excuse for anything. So if I tended to fall asleep after my dosage, I would load on caffeine to counter balance it. I admit that in those days, I was also reluctant to explain that I had epilepsy - no doubt pitying looks would follow and exceptions would be made - which I was really very much against. I had grown up in a household where we were treated equally - why would the outside world give me concessions? Why would I even ask for them? On what merit?
And then it happened. I had begun a new regime and was weaning off a current cocktail and was starting a new one. I woke up that morning feel nauseous - I chalked it up to nerves - after all it was the midterms for Calculus. Upon reaching the University, my stomach seemed in better shape and I felt more confident. Then the test came - I realized I couldn't read it. I wasn't sure if I was looking at single differentials or double differentials. I hurried out of the exam - worried at what was going on with my body. There were no elevators in the building - and in true Art Deco style, instead, we had winding grand staircases to transport us from one level to the next. I remember gripping the rails for support tightly knowing that a misstep might lead me head first down the stairs. I felt cold sweat trickling down my temples. I told myself over and over - "If you're going to have a seizure, you're going to have to wait till I get down to solid ground, not here on the stairs." It began as an instruction to my brain, and ended up a prayer in its ferventness.
When I reached the ground floor some friends noticed I was pale - and supported me to the parking area so I could get fresh air. And that's when I began to vomit and weaken. It was only then that I remembered that I was in the midst of changing medicines - and this is what might have caused it. My carpool mates rushed me home - and then my mother began making calls to find another neurologist who could care for me. At that time I had just tuned 18.
I then met Dr. Ofelia Adapon - she was motherly, considerate, gave me her home and mobile number in case I needed anything. Twenty-three years later, even after I had moved to the US to study, and even now as I work in Singapore - she continues to care for me. She would have it no other way - and personally I'm glad she won't let me go as a patient.
In our long association, she has asked me to trial drugs whose approvals had not yet been secured and form part of the clinical trials. I din't mind really - if this meant I was getting initial access to medicines that could actually help me - why not? At some point in all our trials to find the right cocktail - I was taking an average of 13 pills a day. Now I am down to 2.5 pills a day.
But, I wasn't always this accepting and pliant when it came to taking medicine. The more books I read which said if you could be seizure free for two years, you had greater chances to being taken off the medicines - which at that point I felt were quite constricting. So i thought about the problem another way : "What if I don't take any medicine at all and am seizure free will that convince my doctor it's time to go off-meds?"
So that is exactly what I did. Like a true secessionist, I declared myself medicine free - which to be fair lasted a few months. And then i had a pretty bad episode and I had to come clean. It became clear to me then, that the only way to be seizure-free, was to do exactly what my doctor said. There are no short cuts. In the end, I had to follow orders - which now I am grateful for. I have an inner capacity and endurance which I think would have been impossible to achieve without the discipline instilled in me about taking my medicines regularly.
And yes, I did some introspection - I felt if this was the only cross that I had to bear - I should do so with grace and not just irritated tolerance. It was humbling to realize that as much as you want to change things - you have to have faith that what you are experiencing at that very moment, is part of the plan for you. How you react to and rise above the situations put in front of you, well that is what defines your character. And this, epilepsy, i decided is just one of my many facets - it does not control me - but I give it the respect it is due.
I did a quick search of all the ant-epileptic drugs in the market - and to my amazement I've tried quite a few (those in highlights). Of course I'm happy to have participated in the trials - the more options there are for others, the better chances there are for controlling the effect of seizure activity.
Note:
Read more: http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/medicines/treatments-for-epilepsy.shtml#ixzz2g1ExGT1X
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