After writing that essay, I searched for Mrs. Bolton on an alumni group in Facebook and found her daughter --- who patched us through. I had already found Valerie Wheeler, my friend from long ago and reconnected and wanted to be able to say thanks to Mrs. Bolton. Through her daughter, I finally had an opportunity years later.
Dear Mrs. Bolton -
I'm not sure if you remember me - but I was one of your students in the 8th grade. I had really loved your class - and I sought you out recently in the SAS Alumni group because I had just written an essay about the time I had a seizure in your class. I'm not sure if you remember but you were so kind that it made a real difference in how I saw myself. I'm not sure I remember things accurately - but this is to the best of my recollection. I am back living in Singapore now working in a telco. It's fun - and I still have epilepsy but now it's not such a big deal for me - I just finished a half marathon and it's become something that's just part of me. I've started thinking about writing more seriously about my experience to give a different perspective - and I wanted to share with you something (the essay, Episode 2)
I hope this finds you well. I have always been eternally grateful to you for all that I have learned from you.
I'm not sure if you remember me - but I was one of your students in the 8th grade. I had really loved your class - and I sought you out recently in the SAS Alumni group because I had just written an essay about the time I had a seizure in your class. I'm not sure if you remember but you were so kind that it made a real difference in how I saw myself. I'm not sure I remember things accurately - but this is to the best of my recollection. I am back living in Singapore now working in a telco. It's fun - and I still have epilepsy but now it's not such a big deal for me - I just finished a half marathon and it's become something that's just part of me. I've started thinking about writing more seriously about my experience to give a different perspective - and I wanted to share with you something (the essay, Episode 2)
I hope this finds you well. I have always been eternally grateful to you for all that I have learned from you.
Best,
Melissa
June 23, 2013
Dear Melissa,
Of course I remember you. My memory of you is of a very pretty girl and a capable, conscientous student-not as a student that had a seizure in my class. Our perspectives are different. I would like to add my observations from that time. The test was merely an assesment I liked to give to show me the grammar/punctuation skills that I needed to review or reteach. There was to be no grade. The room was completely silent when I heard a moan. You were slumped on your desk, and I said, "Melissa?'. Then you slid to the floor. We quickly moved the desks away from you so you would not hurt yourself. I sent Hal Marz for Mr. Coleman and then for the nurse. Mr. Coleman and I were the only ones near you while you were ill. I must give the other students in the room a lot of credit. Not one of them left their desk, nor did any one of them look at you. They either stared straight ahead or kept their eyes cast down. You were woozy when the nurse led you away. I remember your mother calling me a number of times to try to figure out what had happened. There was no stress involved in the test-I had previously told you all that it was solely for me to plan my teaching. I did lead a brief discussion with the class the next day. What you do not realize is that some of the students had their own health issues, or members of their family had health problems. This enabled them to empathize with your experience. These issues are held in confidence by teachers and other staff members. My son has not suffered seizures, but has always been extremely sensitive to high temperatures and needs to be well hydrated at all times. He did faint frequently when he was younger because he didn't keep hydrated.
I am happy to hear that you are doing so well. Your facebook picture shows that you have matured into a beautiful, confident woman. I am not surprised.
It was a pleasant surprise to hear such kind words from you, Paul, and Hal. Teachers often wonder if anything they did ever made an impression or made a difference. I sincerely thank you.
Thanks again, Melissa. You really made me happy. I am thrilled to hear you are doing so well.
Sincerely,
Michele Bolton
June 24, 2013
Dear Mrs. Bolton -
Oh wow. You keep giving me the gift of perspective! This is one of the few times when I have a full picture of what happened. Normally people around me are strangers and I do not have the opportunity to thank them - as I just view them as angels that have been sent in my time of need. I did not know Mr. Coleman was there or that Hal was the runner! And thank you for the letting me know about the context of the test - that is so ironic that was probably the one test that we didn't need to study for and yet that's where I passed out. Your memory of that event is fantastic - I remember Valerie Wheeler spoke to me when I returned and that she said her mother had epilepsy too and she understood. One of the lessons I learned then and I carry to this day, is that the one kind action you take can be life changing for someone - and what you did for me then - how you helped me come back to class, how you took care of me that day meant a great deal to me.
I would continue to face a lot of stigma in other situations - but I think I became more confident and more accepting even of myself after that episode. Even when I started working I was fired after 2 days at my first job in Fuji-Xerox as I might be a "hazard" to the company. So for my first few jobs in Nielsen and in Avon, I hid it. Then when I took my MBA at Emory, I had to become more open with it so my friends could take care of me if need be. Later on, it was only in McKinsey and my jobs thereafter that I was told it wasn't an issue whatsoever. Having said that, I have decided it's not something that will rule me and I decided to just go against all the restrictions (so I still swim, and I run, and do martial arts - but I brief people how to take care of me and I never miss a pill.). The one thing I learned in 8th grade was that people will understand, and I won't be ridiculed. That people will support me. That was a very important lesson to learn. Thank you for that.
I still read a lot. I still love short stories because of the selection you introduced to us. I cannot remember the title but one of my favorites was about two brothers and one had a disability, and there was scene where it was raining. Something about an Ibis? And of course The Lady or The Tiger. I still love writing - and just published a few articles. In fact, that's what got me writing my essays - some colleagues at work told me that in Singapore there is still a lot of stigma associated with epilepsy and there should be good examples. And by some coincidence in my team of 9, 5 of us has some direct experience with it. So I started writing. What you read is my 2nd essay. I did want to fact check. :-) I'm relieved to know that John didn't have seizures - perhaps I remember you telling me that you empathized because he had fainted a lot when he was younger.
It's wonderful that you have the opportunity to be a grandmother now and am sure they are blessed with your wit and wisdom. Thank you for writing back. It means so much to me.
Fondly -
Melissa
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